My coming out, coming to terms with my sexuality, and my first serious relationship started 6 years ago (I'm 37) at the beginning of the fall semester. I was a college instructor and a student in my night class caught my eye--and as I was to learn later, I caught hers.

On a subconscious level, I knew that I was looking at her but of course I didn't think she knew it. One night she called me and hit on me and she pointed out that I had been looking at her. I felt like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar or something. I "rejected" her--told her that I wasn't like that. She was all set to drop my class but I told her that if I could be an adult about it, I thought that she could too. She took that as a challenge and wound up staying in class and we really didn't talk to each other after that but neither one of us could stop thinking about the other.

The whole situation freaked me out because I didn't want to be thought of as being gay and there were people who were already thinking that. Before that happened, I was always trying to make sure that people didn't think I was gay--talked about guys, made sure that I didn't wear my hair too short, made excuses that I was too busy to date, etc. For someone who thought she was straight, I sure went to a lot of lengths to make sure that people didn't think I was gay.

At the end of the semester, she called to find out her grade and supposedly, I was flirting with her on the phone. We really couldn't talk about what had happened because I had a student worker in my office. She called me that night at home with the lame excuse that she wanted to make sure that I didn't throw out her final paper (I gave her such a hard time about it later--she took a computer class that I taught and her paper was on her disk--like I couldn't see why she was calling).

We got closer and it wasn't too long before I realized that I had fallen in love with her and that she had fallen in love with me. It was still confusing because she was also uncomfortable with her sexuality (due to her family and their religious beliefs) and she wasn't saying that she was a lesbian so I wasn't exactly sure if I was (strange, I know).

My parents were due to come down for a visit and we were planning on moving in together so I made the decision to tell my family. It was a long drive up to Iowa and I was scared to death. I decided to tell my mom first because I figured I could gauge the rest of the family's reaction by her reaction (even though I knew my sister wouldn't have a problem.) I started by saying, "Mom, I've got something to tell you. I've never been so happy in my life and it's because I've fallen in love with a woman." She immediately came over and hugged me and told me it was okay and started asking all sorts of questions about my girlfriend. She almost seemed disappointed that my girlfriend hadn't come up with me.

It turns out that everyone but my dad and my youngest brother had wondered if I was gay. Everyone has been totally accepting and supportive--even my extended family and my parents' friends. My family treated my girlfriend and me just like we were married.

When I went through my breakup, my family was supportive and understanding. Not once did they think that my gayness was a passing thing.

I never grew up thinking that homosexuality was a sin nor did I grow up in a homophobic household. I'm not sure why I hid from myself for so long. I thank God for my family and supportive friends and am glad that I'm no longer hiding.