Molly's Musings is for the random thoughts in life--some really deep, others very. . . Molly's Musings are meant to get you thinking, laughing or, preferably, both. If you leave this page feeling offended. . .well, you need to open up your mind a little and work on your sense of humor now, don't you? :-)

It's coming up on 6 years ago now when I had started getting strong feelings about going back to church. I had quit going to church when I was around 20--partly out of defiance towards my mom, partly out of defiance towards the Catholic Church, both of which led to the big reason why I left--I needed to figure out things for myself.

Now I went to a Catholic school for 8 years (grades 1-8) and started taking guitar lessons when I was in 2nd grade and I'm thinking it was in 3rd grade that I was good enough to start playing guitar, alongside of Sister JoEllen, in the weekly school Mass. I can't remember the last time I had played in Mass but it was 8th grade at the latest. Anyway, it was crazy that when I started having these feelings about going back to church, I also envisioned myself playing guitar at the service.

I didn't start going to church until after my ex and I broke up. I got really involved in the first church I went to but I didn't get to play guitar, although the choir director knew I played. I was asked at one point by the pastor if I could learn a song for the women's retreat but it was a complicated piece and she didn't give me much notice and I had to travel out of town for work prior to the retreat so it didn't work out. I kind of gave up on the thought of it ever happening.

At my previous company's holiday party in 2005, I won a $100 gift card and when I went to Iowa for Christmas, I decided that since it was "found" money, I was going to buy something "frivolous." What I wound up buying wasn't frivolous at all--a starter bass guitar package. I had thought at different times over the years about learning how to play the bass and since I had this "found" money and found a great deal, I thought, "Now's as good of time as any."

So I bought the package and started teaching myself how to play the bass, along with some help from the DVD that came with it. I immediately realized that the bass was going to allow me to play the songs that I like which had guitar parts that were too complicated for someone who was taught to play by a nun. I also realized that the bass is tied closely with the drums--something that I want to learn how to play but something I couldn't teach myself to play.

I grew to love playing the bass and a few months after buying my first, I bought a second bass and just continued to play--strictly for myself. During the New Year's Eve party at the church I'm currently going to, some of my friends came and were talking to one of the church leaders and the subject of guitars came up and they told the church leader that I play. I made the comment about how I'm playing the bass more than the guitar and the church leader said that they were wanting a bass player. I didn't really say much--I was kind of afraid to throw myself out there.

Some time passed and I forced myself to bring up the subject with the church leader and pretty soon, I was starting to practice with the church band. It was nerve wracking--I hadn't played alongside of anyone in well over 20 years and certainly never played alongside of a piano and drums. I played with people who had never played with a bass player so it was a learning experience for all. I worked on reaquainting myself with music theory and even learning more about music theory than I knew as a kid.

Yesterday I drove up to Wichita to play as the church was asked to lead the worship service at the annual conference. During the drive back I realized a lot of things. Although my original vision took some different turns and took some time in happening, it did indeed happen. I also realized that I'm starting to feel more comfortable in playing (I was literally shaking the first time I played in the service 6 months ago--last night they were saying there was well over a hundred people in the room and I only knew about a dozen or so) and while I was playing last night, I actually got "lost" in the music and just grooved--it was awesome. I also realized that I'm not afraid of trying new things--even when they're presented to me at the spur of the moment--there's been times when I've gone to church on Sunday thinking I was only going to play 2 songs and wound up playing 4--and sometimes without even practicing with the others ahead of time.

Dreams and visions do come true. Sometimes you have to do your part in making them happen, including getting over your fears.

Until next time.